on forgetting and over-reacting

sometimes it's the easiest things that are the hardest to remember.

like breathing.

in and out.

.......................


stuck.

i couldn't tell if it was the icy cold of the freezer or the fear that sent shivers down my spine.

either way, there i was trembling.

panic struck through me like lightning and instead of remembering the basics, i went off on tangents that did me no good. i thought of macgyver episodes from childhood days and i remembered in one episode he had managed to blow off the door of a walk-in freezer with nothing more than a pack of matches and something else. i racked my brain to recall what the something else was, even though i didn't have matches, so it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

i then tried to remember how long it took for hypothermia to set in. how long one could go with out oxygen. two facts i had never actually learned, but tried to bring forth nonetheless.

i thought about my co-workers just a few feet away, in the warmth of the kitchen, oblivious to my predicament. it was unlikely anyone would come back to the freezer for a while, and in a while, i could be frozen and dead.

hyperventilation started to kick in and i was tempted to scream even though i knew it would do no good.

i pawed at the handle-less door, trying to understand where the handle went. how one was supposed to get out, and then suddenly i remembered.

push.

not pull.

...like i said, sometimes the easiest things are the hardest to remember.