What Goes Up Must Come Down- A lesson in Chinese Porn

There's a line in the song Roller Coaster by Kimya Dawson that goes - "My mom says I hope someday you get paid for being Kimya Dawson."

My mom has never told me that, but it's something I often wish. That I could just get paid for being me. Or more specifically, that I could get paid for writing what I write- these whimsical, poorly edited, self exposing blogs. Like Martin Luther King Jr, I have a dream, perhaps not as noble of a dream, but it's a secret dream that one day people somewhere out there might happen across my blogs, ignore the grammar issues and the fact that most of this stuff is not final draft quality, and like what I write. Really like it. Like it so much, they say

More! More! Just as you are. No need to market yourself, no need to learn how to refine your writing; just write! All we want is for you to write, and if you do that, we'll tell you we like it, and we'll even pay you.

The dream actually goes further than my need for money and daily ego strokes. In that dream, there will be something in my words that these people connect to, that feeds them. Food for the soul. Food for the tortured, lost, but hopeful soul perhaps- and those that have an appreciation for that type of soul. In this particular dream of mine, my writing will bring to others that very same indescribable feeling that I feel when I read something catches me in some form or fashion.

And so, to get back to the title of this blog, I was beginning to feel that maybe (a long shot maybe, but still a maybe) the dream was beginning. In the past few months, I've had a new audience of Chinese readers leaving cryptic comments, mostly in Chinese characters followed by way too many ellipses. At first I ignored them, but then I got curious and began google translating their words, which were often proverbial in nature- We're too old too fast, but smart too late.....................; Smiling and happy every day..................; Bless you popular not diminished.....................


I found their comments confusing but I figured it might be a cultural thing and so, I deemed myself not quite smart enough to comprehend, but certainly grateful enough to appreciate their attention. And in reading their comments, I found my spirits going up, my ego nicely stroked and that feeling of "they like me, they like my writing!" coming forward and wondering if maybe the Chinese people really get me.

That was of course until I received a comment that was a direct link to Chinese porn. And suddenly it clicked that maybe there was something fishy about all these other Chinese comments. And so, I googled "Chinese comments on blogger," and found that the extended ellipses at the end of each comment was not just a fondness for that certain punctuation, but rather a hidden link to even more Chinese porn.

Bah!

So while pervy Chinese porn lovers' libidos go up,  down goes my inflated ego and the feeling of a dream being fulfilled.

I suppose it's for the best. While I've always loved the Chinese for their culinary-able-to-eat-anything skills, there is so much I don't know about them, and I'm sure sooner or later I would have done something culturally offensive, possibly been black-listed and maybe perhaps even sought out by the Chinese mafia (if there is a Chinese mafia). I suppose it's safer this way.

So the dream lives on. And on. And on.................................................................