an unusual muse

not writing bugs me. it eats at me. it's something i think about on a daily basis.


i used to write.


i don't anymore.


i've stopped complaining about it because i've grown tired of my redundancy, but still, it's there. like a whispering shadow that follows me and reminds me. you used to be a girl that wrote.

i opened this blog last night. and the night before, and before. stared at the keyboard and tried to typed. did type. then erased. tried again. and again and then gave up.

last night when erik came home from work he found me close to tears venting to him about how i totally and utterly suck. that i've lost a part of myself. that i miss me. the me that wrote. he stared at me bewildered and gave me a look that said "i don't know what to do here. stay quiet or say something?" i shook my head at him, mumbled a little more about my eternal suckiness and then crawled into bed and pouted.

this morning he called excited to me to tell me his "idea." stating something along the lines of him enforcing a rule that i write for at least 30 min every night before i go to bed. no writing. no bed. i smiled at his effort and said something nice, but unbeknownst to him, i also rolled my eyes and thought "no." and then went down a series of thoughts about how men always need to fix things and that he just doesn't get it... it's not that easy. blah blah blah. more defeat.

however tonight when i came home i found this pinned to the fridge:

a list of my writing homework assignments.

mon: write about a food dish that you at on an imaginary trip that you took to any place you have not been before

tues: write about a future unusual pet that you like and why they are so special

wed: a characteristic about yourself that your friends value

thursday: invent a new ocean sport

fri: which super power would you pick? being able to fly or breathe underwater? and why?

sat: pick any object in the living room. imagine it comes alive at night hwen you are asleep. it goes out around town. describe it's typical night.

sun: you are a worker ant and have a crush on the queen. what is your plan to win her love?

aww. it took my breath away and made me crack up laughing at the same time.

the assignments are tough, and funny and downright odd and i really don't know if i'll be able to pull it off, but i love the thought behind them.

homework never felt so heartwarming.