allowed me to stumble across this lovely quote:
precisely the right disasters comes at the right moment to break us open to the helplessness that an opening of the heart requires.~coleman barks
Friday, November 13, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
bliss
i love words.
i love the way they explain things.
i love the way they roll off my tongue.
i love the way, that when i find the right word, whether it be for a poem, a statement, or in my own busy head, it provides freedom, release and peace.
with words we predict our future.
yes.
no.
can.
cannot.
will.
won't.
with words we make and break our relationships.
we can say hello or goodbye.
we start and finish... and fill in all that's in between.
for the past three years, to mark the new year and send off a wish for what i hope it will bring, i've chosen a single word. this word serves as an intention. a reminder. it's the word i fall back on throughout the year seeking it out and trying to understand it to the best of my ability.
words are tricky.
one single word can have so much meaning.
and each year that i choose a word, i learn it's meaning in more way than one.
2008 was a hard year. it was a year that involved many wonderful experiences, but also one of many losses and a lot of hardship. i wanted `09 to be better, so i chose the word bliss, thinking it was a no fail word. that there was going to be no downside to bliss.
and there isn't, at least not yet that i've noticed (fingers crossed), but i've learned that bliss isn't as simple as i once thought.
i'm not alone in my word tradition and learning each word throughout the year... many other friends have joined me in this new year's practice.
one particular friend, chessa, chose the word joy.
her 08 was also tough, and as we planned for 09 to come around we both moaned and groaned to each other that we hoped it would be easier.
a couple months ago chessa started documenting her daily joys. it's something i love to keep tabs on. first, i love getting a glimpse into what it is that brings a smile to her face each day and second, i just think it's a really cute and cool idea.
each day she takes a moment to make a tribute to joy. in one of her entries she wrote: sometimes, joy is what shows up only after the pain finally stops.
and just as chessa is getting to know her word in more ways than she had figured, i am learning my own chosen word as well.
this is what i am learning...
bliss is found in moments. it's not something one can hold onto or even control. it's not even something you can summon, though i have tried to do so many times. instead, at least in my experience, it is like a rainbow in the sky. something that just happens to appears when the conditions are right. and if you keep your head to the skies and are in the right place at the right time, you'll be lucky enough to enjoy it.
in this year i've tried to create moments of bliss, i've tried to evoke the feeling only to find myself frustrated and discouraged. i've found myself in the midst of a handful of things that should have made me happy beyond belief, only to feel sad, down, and annoyed. searching and wondering "where is my bliss?!"
but when i've let things be and went about my day, i found it showed up here and there without any meddling of my own.it was in morning coffee sessions. in the surf. in the sunset. in a warm embrace or a belly laugh. it wasn't something i could bring to the table, but if i took the time to focus and appreciate the moment, then there it was, darting in and out, here and there. reflecting off the bits and pieces of my life.
in addition to learning that bliss is not within my control, i've also learned that it requires a bit of bravery. it requires following, which contrary to popular belief, isn't for the meek, but instead is for the trusting. to be blissfully happy is to let go. to give in to the senses and let all else fall away.
whether it be:
in love
in the moment
in life
to follow bliss requires a certain degree of faith. it means not asking questions but instead just letting that little voice or feeling in me lead. it means listening to what it is that speaks to me in a silent language, even if i don't fully understand what it's saying or know where it's going to take me. it requires the courage to be okay with things not making sense.
it requires more being. less pleasing. more allowing. less searching and trying to figure it all out.
bliss.
it's a beautiful word that i am enjoying the challenge of learning.and while we're still a bit off, as yet another year starts to dwindle down, i find myself thinking about my next word for my next year. i'm thinking maybe next year i'll go in the opposite direction. choose a word that's usually unappealing and learn the upsides.
we shall see...
i love the way they explain things.
i love the way they roll off my tongue.
i love the way, that when i find the right word, whether it be for a poem, a statement, or in my own busy head, it provides freedom, release and peace.
with words we predict our future.
yes.
no.
can.
cannot.
will.
won't.
with words we make and break our relationships.
we can say hello or goodbye.
we start and finish... and fill in all that's in between.
for the past three years, to mark the new year and send off a wish for what i hope it will bring, i've chosen a single word. this word serves as an intention. a reminder. it's the word i fall back on throughout the year seeking it out and trying to understand it to the best of my ability.
words are tricky.
one single word can have so much meaning.
and each year that i choose a word, i learn it's meaning in more way than one.
2008 was a hard year. it was a year that involved many wonderful experiences, but also one of many losses and a lot of hardship. i wanted `09 to be better, so i chose the word bliss, thinking it was a no fail word. that there was going to be no downside to bliss.
and there isn't, at least not yet that i've noticed (fingers crossed), but i've learned that bliss isn't as simple as i once thought.
i'm not alone in my word tradition and learning each word throughout the year... many other friends have joined me in this new year's practice.
one particular friend, chessa, chose the word joy.
her 08 was also tough, and as we planned for 09 to come around we both moaned and groaned to each other that we hoped it would be easier.
a couple months ago chessa started documenting her daily joys. it's something i love to keep tabs on. first, i love getting a glimpse into what it is that brings a smile to her face each day and second, i just think it's a really cute and cool idea.
each day she takes a moment to make a tribute to joy. in one of her entries she wrote: sometimes, joy is what shows up only after the pain finally stops.
and just as chessa is getting to know her word in more ways than she had figured, i am learning my own chosen word as well.
this is what i am learning...
bliss is found in moments. it's not something one can hold onto or even control. it's not even something you can summon, though i have tried to do so many times. instead, at least in my experience, it is like a rainbow in the sky. something that just happens to appears when the conditions are right. and if you keep your head to the skies and are in the right place at the right time, you'll be lucky enough to enjoy it.
in this year i've tried to create moments of bliss, i've tried to evoke the feeling only to find myself frustrated and discouraged. i've found myself in the midst of a handful of things that should have made me happy beyond belief, only to feel sad, down, and annoyed. searching and wondering "where is my bliss?!"
but when i've let things be and went about my day, i found it showed up here and there without any meddling of my own.it was in morning coffee sessions. in the surf. in the sunset. in a warm embrace or a belly laugh. it wasn't something i could bring to the table, but if i took the time to focus and appreciate the moment, then there it was, darting in and out, here and there. reflecting off the bits and pieces of my life.
in addition to learning that bliss is not within my control, i've also learned that it requires a bit of bravery. it requires following, which contrary to popular belief, isn't for the meek, but instead is for the trusting. to be blissfully happy is to let go. to give in to the senses and let all else fall away.
whether it be:
in love
in the moment
in life
to follow bliss requires a certain degree of faith. it means not asking questions but instead just letting that little voice or feeling in me lead. it means listening to what it is that speaks to me in a silent language, even if i don't fully understand what it's saying or know where it's going to take me. it requires the courage to be okay with things not making sense.
it requires more being. less pleasing. more allowing. less searching and trying to figure it all out.
bliss.
it's a beautiful word that i am enjoying the challenge of learning.and while we're still a bit off, as yet another year starts to dwindle down, i find myself thinking about my next word for my next year. i'm thinking maybe next year i'll go in the opposite direction. choose a word that's usually unappealing and learn the upsides.
we shall see...
Thursday, November 5, 2009
thoughts on green grass, daisies and erik
My ever so optimistic friend, Kira, likes to say “the grass isn't greenest on the other side of the fence, the grass is greenest on my side.”
She’s one of those people that I aspire to be like; always finding the upside in down times. Most recently when her apartment was flooded, instead of complaining about it, she shared with me about how lucky she was to have her in-laws to house her. Even when I asked her “isn’t it an inconvenience??” she just shrugged her shoulders and smiled.
I am not at Kira’s level yet. Far from it. I waiver both ways on my green grass views. And so, I believe that the grass is greenest wherever you water it. Unfortunately, I hop the fence all the time without even meaning to, water hose in hand, quick to saturate myself in the beauty of someone else's yard while I complain about everything that lacks in my own.
My grass is like a Dr. Suess rhyme that never seems to rhyme…Green grass, brown grass. Good life. Blah life. I never quite know what my mood is going to be on any given day. Which frustrates me to no end, because I know I’ve got it good, really good. But I just can’t always feel the goodness of my good.
And all this talk about grass, when the truth is, I don't have any grass.
Just concrete.
That, and 4 long slender garden boxes that Erik built for me. Boxes which host strawberries, chilies, basil, rosemary, lettuce and a slew of other things, including the Gerbera daisies I had to beg to include.
(Several months ago at the garden shop)
Me: Oooh. Let's get these! They're so pretty!
Erik: Really?! But they're useless; they're just gonna take up space and we could grow something really cool instead.
Me: What?! They're sooo cool. And they make me smile. Are you saying that’s useless??
(Needless to say I won that argument)
And since he takes charge of watering the garden, it's always green... and pink and red and orange too. No grass but that's okay.
Because in this time of shades of gray (and green). In this time of ups and downs. Questions, fears and the continual existential crisis about what I'm doing with my life and whether I'll live up to my potential. (Whether I still have potential.) I know that even if I end up desolate, down, dejected and so much less than I had hoped for, I'll be okay. Because I've got family and friends that will love me no matter what. That will tell me I'm good, and who will always be there.
And I've also got Erik.
For as the weeks turn into months and newness turns into settled in. As we grow into each other, grow into an "us." Find ourselves so wrapped up in each other's arms, lives, beings, hopes, dreams, frustrations, fears, etc. that one becomes a part of the other and I begin to forget what life was once like without him. I'm learning this:
I've got a man who will build me a garden with daisies even if he thinks they take up space.
A man, who, even if I were pick a daisy in that garden, strip it down to it's last petal and find myself whispering "he loves me not," would no doubt still love me. And even if 100 daisies came to the same conclusion, he would still stand, unwavering.
There is something to be said for someone who is not shy with their feelings and who doesn't go a day without letting me know I am loved and cared about.
And maybe that's the greenest of greens. The bluest of blues. Maybe that's the color I always wished there was a word for. The color I used to call "Alaska" as a little girl, not realizing that Alaska was a state, but instead thinking it was that word for all the colors in the world swirled around together like an oil spot on the street, but prettier and not as dirty.
As time goes on, maybe I am becoming just a little bit more like Kira...
She’s one of those people that I aspire to be like; always finding the upside in down times. Most recently when her apartment was flooded, instead of complaining about it, she shared with me about how lucky she was to have her in-laws to house her. Even when I asked her “isn’t it an inconvenience??” she just shrugged her shoulders and smiled.
I am not at Kira’s level yet. Far from it. I waiver both ways on my green grass views. And so, I believe that the grass is greenest wherever you water it. Unfortunately, I hop the fence all the time without even meaning to, water hose in hand, quick to saturate myself in the beauty of someone else's yard while I complain about everything that lacks in my own.
My grass is like a Dr. Suess rhyme that never seems to rhyme…Green grass, brown grass. Good life. Blah life. I never quite know what my mood is going to be on any given day. Which frustrates me to no end, because I know I’ve got it good, really good. But I just can’t always feel the goodness of my good.
And all this talk about grass, when the truth is, I don't have any grass.
Just concrete.
That, and 4 long slender garden boxes that Erik built for me. Boxes which host strawberries, chilies, basil, rosemary, lettuce and a slew of other things, including the Gerbera daisies I had to beg to include.
(Several months ago at the garden shop)
Me: Oooh. Let's get these! They're so pretty!
Erik: Really?! But they're useless; they're just gonna take up space and we could grow something really cool instead.
Me: What?! They're sooo cool. And they make me smile. Are you saying that’s useless??
(Needless to say I won that argument)
And since he takes charge of watering the garden, it's always green... and pink and red and orange too. No grass but that's okay.
Because in this time of shades of gray (and green). In this time of ups and downs. Questions, fears and the continual existential crisis about what I'm doing with my life and whether I'll live up to my potential. (Whether I still have potential.) I know that even if I end up desolate, down, dejected and so much less than I had hoped for, I'll be okay. Because I've got family and friends that will love me no matter what. That will tell me I'm good, and who will always be there.
And I've also got Erik.
For as the weeks turn into months and newness turns into settled in. As we grow into each other, grow into an "us." Find ourselves so wrapped up in each other's arms, lives, beings, hopes, dreams, frustrations, fears, etc. that one becomes a part of the other and I begin to forget what life was once like without him. I'm learning this:
I've got a man who will build me a garden with daisies even if he thinks they take up space.
A man, who, even if I were pick a daisy in that garden, strip it down to it's last petal and find myself whispering "he loves me not," would no doubt still love me. And even if 100 daisies came to the same conclusion, he would still stand, unwavering.
There is something to be said for someone who is not shy with their feelings and who doesn't go a day without letting me know I am loved and cared about.
And maybe that's the greenest of greens. The bluest of blues. Maybe that's the color I always wished there was a word for. The color I used to call "Alaska" as a little girl, not realizing that Alaska was a state, but instead thinking it was that word for all the colors in the world swirled around together like an oil spot on the street, but prettier and not as dirty.
As time goes on, maybe I am becoming just a little bit more like Kira...
Saturday, October 24, 2009
friday night's homework: incomplete
which super power would you pick? being able to fly or breathe underwater? and why?
both would be awesome, but i would fly
both would be awesome, but i would fly
Friday, October 23, 2009
thursday: invent a new ocean sport
water running.
it will start with a couple of crazy kids strapping baby water wings to their feet and then challenging each other to see who can stay standing the longest.
a couple challengers will be naturally good at this. from there, the challenge will change to racing each other.
friends will tell friends, and more and more people will try.
there will be makeshift competitions with cases of beer given out as prizes.
popularity will grow.
after some time, an entrepenuer will see $$ signs in his mind and develop and market special water running shoes which promise to make you faster than ever.
a commercial will be made using cool imagery, inspiring messages and a really handsome athlete.
people will dress up as jesus and race each other. this will cause controversy and end up on the news, thus further spreading the word about water running.
professional water runners will emerge.
paris hilton will date one of them and state "w.r.a.h!" (water runners are hot!)
a 5k to benefit the leukemia and lymphoma society will be held.
then a half marathon.
then a marathon.
p.diddy and oprah will train to compete.
and that is the story of the invent of water running.
it will start with a couple of crazy kids strapping baby water wings to their feet and then challenging each other to see who can stay standing the longest.
a couple challengers will be naturally good at this. from there, the challenge will change to racing each other.
friends will tell friends, and more and more people will try.
there will be makeshift competitions with cases of beer given out as prizes.
popularity will grow.
after some time, an entrepenuer will see $$ signs in his mind and develop and market special water running shoes which promise to make you faster than ever.
a commercial will be made using cool imagery, inspiring messages and a really handsome athlete.
people will dress up as jesus and race each other. this will cause controversy and end up on the news, thus further spreading the word about water running.
professional water runners will emerge.
paris hilton will date one of them and state "w.r.a.h!" (water runners are hot!)
a 5k to benefit the leukemia and lymphoma society will be held.
then a half marathon.
then a marathon.
p.diddy and oprah will train to compete.
and that is the story of the invent of water running.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
wed: a characteristic about yourself that your friends value
while i don't think this would be the first thing to come to people's minds, i think one thing that friends tend to value about me is my predictability.
this morning i picked malia up before i went to work to let her borrow my car. on the way to work we talked about various things, one being the blog. she laughed and stated about how my last blog, where i first complained about erik's homework and then did it and seemed to get into it, was so typically me.
predictable: to declare or tell in advance; prophesy; foretell: to predict the weather; to predict the fall of a civilization.
friends capitalize on teasing me knowing the reaction they'll get.
they know that if they scare me i'll scream
if they come to me to talk, i'll listen.
if they need me, i'll be there.
if they have a problem, i'll offer help
that i love new experiences
if you dare me i'm likely to do it, even if i don't want to
i make sucker bets
if i can jump it i'll want to
that i'll usually need to be coaxed into things that involve spotlights
they know if i'm trying to explain myself i'll use an analogy.
and that i'll end this list here, semi incomplete and be fine with it
i think my friends value that they know me.
this morning i picked malia up before i went to work to let her borrow my car. on the way to work we talked about various things, one being the blog. she laughed and stated about how my last blog, where i first complained about erik's homework and then did it and seemed to get into it, was so typically me.
predictable: to declare or tell in advance; prophesy; foretell: to predict the weather; to predict the fall of a civilization.
friends capitalize on teasing me knowing the reaction they'll get.
they know that if they scare me i'll scream
if they come to me to talk, i'll listen.
if they need me, i'll be there.
if they have a problem, i'll offer help
that i love new experiences
if you dare me i'm likely to do it, even if i don't want to
i make sucker bets
if i can jump it i'll want to
that i'll usually need to be coaxed into things that involve spotlights
they know if i'm trying to explain myself i'll use an analogy.
and that i'll end this list here, semi incomplete and be fine with it
i think my friends value that they know me.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
tuesday night's homework: write about a future unusual pet that you like and why they are so special
while well intentioned and definitely (at least to me) aww worthy, erik's homework isn't quite cutting it for me. i love the thought behind it but it's not the kind of writing i want to do.
i want...
i want to write amazing pieces. i want to figure out a way to string words together in such a way that make people pause. that speak to them. catch them. make them feel something they haven't felt. or maybe something they're needing to feel... pieces that feed one's soul. not in the chicken soup kind of way, but in a different way. a way that connects us all as humans.
i believe that our experiences while vastly different are often quite connected. and though the context might vary, i think most of us go through many of the same emotions. hope. fear. disappointment. happiness. excitement. nervousness. embarrassment. etc. etc. etc. i love writing about emotions. i love learning to understand them more. in myself and in others. i want to write pieces that feed the emotional sides of us. that both stir and soothe those parts of us at the exact same time.
that's what i want.
and it's scary to want something and not know if it's possible. attainable. i have no idea if i'm going to be the writer i want to be. i'm 30 years old and not off to the best start. and now with this ongoing writer's block, it feels like what little umph i had, has disappeared. but i've been here before. questioning myself. wondering if want and reality are on the same page, or if something's gotta give.
i remember while in the dating scene, time and time again i wondered if i'd ever find someone i connected with. loved. i searched for something that was missing. something i never had before, but believed existed. that something was both foreign and familiar.
this want to write. to be a writer. is like that. and it scares me to say it aloud, but it is my truth. it is my desire. and so i'm putting it out there...
but i'm way off subject. so enough rambling. it's time i get on with this homework assignment and tell you about my pet fronkey, floyd.
i found floyd while i was in peru. it was after i sucked it up, stopped thinking of my cuy as a pet and ate the damn thing. it was gooood. who knew guinea pig could be so tasty??
after that, i went for a walk to ease my stomach. my walk led down a dirt path and on that dirt path was an adolescent boy with a cardboard box full of fronkeys. i'd never heard nor seen a fronkey before. it was the most unusual thing to see these cross breeds of monkeys and frogs.
later, after returning to hawaii i learned that fronkeys were the experiment of some peruvian scientist who created these animals by genetically tampering with their dna. the experiment went well, but due to controversy, was forced to shut down. the fronkeys were scheduled to be exterminated, however, the night before their extermination someone broke into the facility and let the creatures escape. they ran off to the jungle and repopulated wreaking havoc on the environmental systems. this is currently a big crisis in peru. however, government officials have been trying to keep quiet about it, as not to deter tourism and put peru in bad light. currently there are tons of people who are trying to exterminate them, but others who catch fronkeys and use them for financial gain by selling them through the black market. and then there are the occasional people who sell fronkeys to unsuspecting tourists, like the kid i came across, on the day i met floyd.
anyway, back to my story... the box was filled with 3 small (about the size of chihuahuas) creatures shaped like monkeys, but with green fur, webbed feet, a long slender tongue and these big brown eyes that could make you melt. and melt i did the moment one of them (floyed) looked up at me.
i didn't think. i went off of pure instinct and knew i had to have him. it was as if, and i know this sounds crazy, we had met in a former life. he had been my pet once before. and i knew my mission was to buy him, take him home and care for him.
and so i did. it wasn't easy and involved a lot of risk and a lot of illegal activity, as fronkeys aren't allowed outside of peru. but with a lot of luck and good fortune on my side, i was able to pull it off.
adjusting to being a pet owner of a strange and exotic pet took time. i learned a lot about responsibility and taking care of living things, but it has been an amazing experience.
as for what's so special about this unusual pet. well, i could go on and on about floyd... he is the cutest thing. i love coming home to him happily swinging on the closet bar. and i also love the fact that he kills all of the bugs in the house including those big huge roaches that used to scare the crap out of me. he's also a great swimmer and extremely agile. and, i mean, come on, he's a fronkey! that in itself is special with a capital S. but to me, what makes him special is just that he's... well, him. and when he looks at me with those big brown eyes and that cute little green face, there's just no words.
this past weekend we celebrated his 3rd birthday. yes, i know i've become one of "those" pet owners that do weird things like throw birthday parties for their animals. but i just had to. and it really was more just an excuse to have some fun with friends. check out the cake! the decorator totally screwed it up by making it brown instead of green, but it's still pretty cute, isn't it ???
i want...
i want to write amazing pieces. i want to figure out a way to string words together in such a way that make people pause. that speak to them. catch them. make them feel something they haven't felt. or maybe something they're needing to feel... pieces that feed one's soul. not in the chicken soup kind of way, but in a different way. a way that connects us all as humans.
i believe that our experiences while vastly different are often quite connected. and though the context might vary, i think most of us go through many of the same emotions. hope. fear. disappointment. happiness. excitement. nervousness. embarrassment. etc. etc. etc. i love writing about emotions. i love learning to understand them more. in myself and in others. i want to write pieces that feed the emotional sides of us. that both stir and soothe those parts of us at the exact same time.
that's what i want.
and it's scary to want something and not know if it's possible. attainable. i have no idea if i'm going to be the writer i want to be. i'm 30 years old and not off to the best start. and now with this ongoing writer's block, it feels like what little umph i had, has disappeared. but i've been here before. questioning myself. wondering if want and reality are on the same page, or if something's gotta give.
i remember while in the dating scene, time and time again i wondered if i'd ever find someone i connected with. loved. i searched for something that was missing. something i never had before, but believed existed. that something was both foreign and familiar.
this want to write. to be a writer. is like that. and it scares me to say it aloud, but it is my truth. it is my desire. and so i'm putting it out there...
but i'm way off subject. so enough rambling. it's time i get on with this homework assignment and tell you about my pet fronkey, floyd.
i found floyd while i was in peru. it was after i sucked it up, stopped thinking of my cuy as a pet and ate the damn thing. it was gooood. who knew guinea pig could be so tasty??
after that, i went for a walk to ease my stomach. my walk led down a dirt path and on that dirt path was an adolescent boy with a cardboard box full of fronkeys. i'd never heard nor seen a fronkey before. it was the most unusual thing to see these cross breeds of monkeys and frogs.
later, after returning to hawaii i learned that fronkeys were the experiment of some peruvian scientist who created these animals by genetically tampering with their dna. the experiment went well, but due to controversy, was forced to shut down. the fronkeys were scheduled to be exterminated, however, the night before their extermination someone broke into the facility and let the creatures escape. they ran off to the jungle and repopulated wreaking havoc on the environmental systems. this is currently a big crisis in peru. however, government officials have been trying to keep quiet about it, as not to deter tourism and put peru in bad light. currently there are tons of people who are trying to exterminate them, but others who catch fronkeys and use them for financial gain by selling them through the black market. and then there are the occasional people who sell fronkeys to unsuspecting tourists, like the kid i came across, on the day i met floyd.
anyway, back to my story... the box was filled with 3 small (about the size of chihuahuas) creatures shaped like monkeys, but with green fur, webbed feet, a long slender tongue and these big brown eyes that could make you melt. and melt i did the moment one of them (floyed) looked up at me.
i didn't think. i went off of pure instinct and knew i had to have him. it was as if, and i know this sounds crazy, we had met in a former life. he had been my pet once before. and i knew my mission was to buy him, take him home and care for him.
and so i did. it wasn't easy and involved a lot of risk and a lot of illegal activity, as fronkeys aren't allowed outside of peru. but with a lot of luck and good fortune on my side, i was able to pull it off.
adjusting to being a pet owner of a strange and exotic pet took time. i learned a lot about responsibility and taking care of living things, but it has been an amazing experience.
as for what's so special about this unusual pet. well, i could go on and on about floyd... he is the cutest thing. i love coming home to him happily swinging on the closet bar. and i also love the fact that he kills all of the bugs in the house including those big huge roaches that used to scare the crap out of me. he's also a great swimmer and extremely agile. and, i mean, come on, he's a fronkey! that in itself is special with a capital S. but to me, what makes him special is just that he's... well, him. and when he looks at me with those big brown eyes and that cute little green face, there's just no words.
this past weekend we celebrated his 3rd birthday. yes, i know i've become one of "those" pet owners that do weird things like throw birthday parties for their animals. but i just had to. and it really was more just an excuse to have some fun with friends. check out the cake! the decorator totally screwed it up by making it brown instead of green, but it's still pretty cute, isn't it ???
(photo taken from: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
monday night's homework
okay, so first assignment and not off to the best start. still... at least i'm turning something in, and i have to admit, looking for inspiration led me to some interesting websites.
feeling coy about cuy:
never in my life had i ever imagined that i would want to be a fat middle aged bald man.
and yet here i was in lima, peru staring at a dish that reminded me of a pet i had long long ago. suddenly the bold and adventurous andrew zimmern wannabe in me disappeared and all i wanted was a mcdonald's hamburger with a side of fries.
(photo taken from http://www.andrewzimmern.com/content/experiencing-world-262-miles-time)
**side note, actually i would totally eat that.
feeling coy about cuy:
never in my life had i ever imagined that i would want to be a fat middle aged bald man.
and yet here i was in lima, peru staring at a dish that reminded me of a pet i had long long ago. suddenly the bold and adventurous andrew zimmern wannabe in me disappeared and all i wanted was a mcdonald's hamburger with a side of fries.
(photo taken from http://www.andrewzimmern.com/content/experiencing-world-262-miles-time)
**side note, actually i would totally eat that.
an unusual muse
not writing bugs me. it eats at me. it's something i think about on a daily basis.
i used to write.
i don't anymore.
i've stopped complaining about it because i've grown tired of my redundancy, but still, it's there. like a whispering shadow that follows me and reminds me. you used to be a girl that wrote.
i opened this blog last night. and the night before, and before. stared at the keyboard and tried to typed. did type. then erased. tried again. and again and then gave up.
last night when erik came home from work he found me close to tears venting to him about how i totally and utterly suck. that i've lost a part of myself. that i miss me. the me that wrote. he stared at me bewildered and gave me a look that said "i don't know what to do here. stay quiet or say something?" i shook my head at him, mumbled a little more about my eternal suckiness and then crawled into bed and pouted.
this morning he called excited to me to tell me his "idea." stating something along the lines of him enforcing a rule that i write for at least 30 min every night before i go to bed. no writing. no bed. i smiled at his effort and said something nice, but unbeknownst to him, i also rolled my eyes and thought "no." and then went down a series of thoughts about how men always need to fix things and that he just doesn't get it... it's not that easy. blah blah blah. more defeat.
however tonight when i came home i found this pinned to the fridge:
i used to write.
i don't anymore.
i've stopped complaining about it because i've grown tired of my redundancy, but still, it's there. like a whispering shadow that follows me and reminds me. you used to be a girl that wrote.
i opened this blog last night. and the night before, and before. stared at the keyboard and tried to typed. did type. then erased. tried again. and again and then gave up.
last night when erik came home from work he found me close to tears venting to him about how i totally and utterly suck. that i've lost a part of myself. that i miss me. the me that wrote. he stared at me bewildered and gave me a look that said "i don't know what to do here. stay quiet or say something?" i shook my head at him, mumbled a little more about my eternal suckiness and then crawled into bed and pouted.
this morning he called excited to me to tell me his "idea." stating something along the lines of him enforcing a rule that i write for at least 30 min every night before i go to bed. no writing. no bed. i smiled at his effort and said something nice, but unbeknownst to him, i also rolled my eyes and thought "no." and then went down a series of thoughts about how men always need to fix things and that he just doesn't get it... it's not that easy. blah blah blah. more defeat.
however tonight when i came home i found this pinned to the fridge:
a list of my writing homework assignments.
mon: write about a food dish that you at on an imaginary trip that you took to any place you have not been before
tues: write about a future unusual pet that you like and why they are so special
wed: a characteristic about yourself that your friends value
thursday: invent a new ocean sport
fri: which super power would you pick? being able to fly or breathe underwater? and why?
sat: pick any object in the living room. imagine it comes alive at night hwen you are asleep. it goes out around town. describe it's typical night.
sun: you are a worker ant and have a crush on the queen. what is your plan to win her love?
aww. it took my breath away and made me crack up laughing at the same time.
the assignments are tough, and funny and downright odd and i really don't know if i'll be able to pull it off, but i love the thought behind them.
homework never felt so heartwarming.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
prelude to a haiku
driving into work last week i listened to ingrid michaelson singing "the way i am" http://aimini.net/view/?fid=fRuSSL77xG7Tv8I2b6E3 (love that song). in it, she like so many other poets, songwriters, declarers of love, etc sings about catching a falling lover.
in the midst of all my routine morning thoughts i found myself thinking about the concept of love and one person falling while the other catches them. while nice in theory, i think for me, when it comes to love i like the idea of instead having the other person fall right with me. no catcher, just us. two hopeful, excited, ring around the rosies, caught up in the moment, people falling. maybe never to be caught. maybe to enjoy the feeling of falling, falling, falling for as long as the drop may last.
haiku
i want you with me
not standing at the bottom
but here. fall-falling.
in the midst of all my routine morning thoughts i found myself thinking about the concept of love and one person falling while the other catches them. while nice in theory, i think for me, when it comes to love i like the idea of instead having the other person fall right with me. no catcher, just us. two hopeful, excited, ring around the rosies, caught up in the moment, people falling. maybe never to be caught. maybe to enjoy the feeling of falling, falling, falling for as long as the drop may last.
haiku
i want you with me
not standing at the bottom
but here. fall-falling.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
testing fate
on wednesday i'll be taking the license in clinical social work exam. it's taken me one master's degree, 2.5 years of accumulating 3000 supervised hours, paperwork, applications and a $175 exam fee to get to this point. if i pass i'll be licensed which means more liberty to do what i love doing, an opportunity to get paid more, and being able to sign LCSW after my name.
if i don't pass i'll be seriously bummed, embarrassed, out $175, and back to studying.
(let's hope i pass.)
because this is big. very big. i've worked hard to get to this point.
the not so funny thing is, that while i can recognize how big this is, my behaviors seem to show otherwise. whereas some people study for this exam for months, i've only just started studying last week. in fact, last night during my designated study time, i did everything possible to actually avoid studying. i pickled onions, made strawberry guava bars, chicken adobo and even built one of those do it yourself furniture sets from k-mart.
this morning with 2 days left, i cursed at myself. shook my head and freaked out internally. thoughts of failing run through my head, and i am suddenly clinging on to hope and good fortune as tight as i can.
while it does me no good, i still can't help but chastise myself. why do i always do this? really, why? i'm smart enough to recognize my bad decisions in procrastination, but i suppose dumb enough not to heed them. and perhaps that's because i've gotten away with this style of reckless behavior for so long. tsk. tsk. damn my good luck it does nothing for growth and change. (just kidding good luck, please stay with me. i love you)
i still remember being in grad school. it seemed i was always the last one to start projects. putting things off till i had almost no time to complete them. other classmates would say "you're only starting that now?!" and i'd do everything within my power not to glare them down with my meanest stink eye. time after time, despite promising myself i'd be better next time i'd find myself at the exact same place. racing the clock. too much to do and too little time. freaking out, stressing out, and then somehow, someway completing whatever needed to be completed just in the nick of time and just well enough to be successful.
and here i am doing it again. only the stakes are much higher.
the worst part is, each time i do this i vow to be more responsible, more organized, more prompt. and each time i end up being a big fat liar. and i know with each broken promise i further test and taunt fate. i worry that one day soon she's going to make me pay for my bad behaviors and laugh as i fall flat on my face.
i'm just really hoping that this one day soon, won't be wednesday.
so again. and this time i really really mean it. dear fate; please, please, please let me pass this test and i promise with all my heart i'll be better, more responsible and less rushed next time. i'll be that girl that gets her work done ahead of time. that's organized, structured, and prompt. that never ever procrastinates again.
pleeeeeeeaaaasssssseeeee.
if i don't pass i'll be seriously bummed, embarrassed, out $175, and back to studying.
(let's hope i pass.)
because this is big. very big. i've worked hard to get to this point.
the not so funny thing is, that while i can recognize how big this is, my behaviors seem to show otherwise. whereas some people study for this exam for months, i've only just started studying last week. in fact, last night during my designated study time, i did everything possible to actually avoid studying. i pickled onions, made strawberry guava bars, chicken adobo and even built one of those do it yourself furniture sets from k-mart.
this morning with 2 days left, i cursed at myself. shook my head and freaked out internally. thoughts of failing run through my head, and i am suddenly clinging on to hope and good fortune as tight as i can.
while it does me no good, i still can't help but chastise myself. why do i always do this? really, why? i'm smart enough to recognize my bad decisions in procrastination, but i suppose dumb enough not to heed them. and perhaps that's because i've gotten away with this style of reckless behavior for so long. tsk. tsk. damn my good luck it does nothing for growth and change. (just kidding good luck, please stay with me. i love you)
i still remember being in grad school. it seemed i was always the last one to start projects. putting things off till i had almost no time to complete them. other classmates would say "you're only starting that now?!" and i'd do everything within my power not to glare them down with my meanest stink eye. time after time, despite promising myself i'd be better next time i'd find myself at the exact same place. racing the clock. too much to do and too little time. freaking out, stressing out, and then somehow, someway completing whatever needed to be completed just in the nick of time and just well enough to be successful.
and here i am doing it again. only the stakes are much higher.
the worst part is, each time i do this i vow to be more responsible, more organized, more prompt. and each time i end up being a big fat liar. and i know with each broken promise i further test and taunt fate. i worry that one day soon she's going to make me pay for my bad behaviors and laugh as i fall flat on my face.
i'm just really hoping that this one day soon, won't be wednesday.
so again. and this time i really really mean it. dear fate; please, please, please let me pass this test and i promise with all my heart i'll be better, more responsible and less rushed next time. i'll be that girl that gets her work done ahead of time. that's organized, structured, and prompt. that never ever procrastinates again.
pleeeeeeeaaaasssssseeeee.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Romantic conversations.... umm sorta
While I don't write about it much, I am hopelessly in love with my boyfriend, Erik. We went on our first date on May 15, 09 and moved in together just last month. It's been a whirlwind of fun, romance, moments of challenge and love. I feel incredibly lucky.
I could go on and on about the many things I love about him, but I much prefer to tease. One of the things that cracks me up most about Erik is that every now and then he'll make a serious declaration of his love but it comes out all wrong.
I still remember our first kiss. It was the night of our first date. Immediately after he kissed me, he said something about "okay, well let's just be friends if anything." He was trying to convey that he still wanted to keep me as a friend even if things didn't work out romantically, but his words were all wrong. That's the last thing a girl wants to hear after a first kiss! Let's be friends?! (Wtf?) Fortunately, I could understand his intent, and knew what he meant, and it makes for funny and endearing memories.
Here are a couple other "romantic" conversations with Erik.
A couple months ago a friend and I were talking about marriage and engagements. We were talking about another friend who may be engaged soon, Erik was present and listened and participated in the conversation. A lot of times the conversation involved my girlfriend and I sharing about how we want things to be when we get engaged or married. I felt a little worried that all the marriage talk might freak Erik out so when we got home, I tried to reassure him that I was not looking for him to propose and he could be in this relationship without the intent to one day marry me. This was his response:
Erik: You know, I was thinking about it the other day actually, and if someone had a gun to my head and I had to choose between marrying you or never seeing or talking to you again, I would marry you.
Me: Thanks. So... if you had to choose between death or marrying me, you would choose to marry me?
Erik: No, what's death got to do with it? If I had to choose between never seeing you again or marrying you, I would marry you.
Me: What's the gun against your head for?
Erik: I don't know, it was there when I thought about it. Never mind, this is coming out all wrong.
Erik just started school again. He's going to HPU to become a nurse. It's a predominantly female profession so he's often 1 of 3-4 guys in most of his classes. Last night's romantic declaration went as follows:
Erik: So you know, I was checking out all the hot girls in my class, and I want you to know that I feel very happy and lucky to be with you.
Me: So, you were checking out all the hot girls in your class?
Erik: Damnit, that's not what I meant.
Such romance, eh?
But, while the boy does have an extraordinary skill for sticking his foot in his mouth, he is very good to me, and even begrudgingly allows me to post whatever I like about him, so I guess it's a fair trade.
I could go on and on about the many things I love about him, but I much prefer to tease. One of the things that cracks me up most about Erik is that every now and then he'll make a serious declaration of his love but it comes out all wrong.
I still remember our first kiss. It was the night of our first date. Immediately after he kissed me, he said something about "okay, well let's just be friends if anything." He was trying to convey that he still wanted to keep me as a friend even if things didn't work out romantically, but his words were all wrong. That's the last thing a girl wants to hear after a first kiss! Let's be friends?! (Wtf?) Fortunately, I could understand his intent, and knew what he meant, and it makes for funny and endearing memories.
Here are a couple other "romantic" conversations with Erik.
A couple months ago a friend and I were talking about marriage and engagements. We were talking about another friend who may be engaged soon, Erik was present and listened and participated in the conversation. A lot of times the conversation involved my girlfriend and I sharing about how we want things to be when we get engaged or married. I felt a little worried that all the marriage talk might freak Erik out so when we got home, I tried to reassure him that I was not looking for him to propose and he could be in this relationship without the intent to one day marry me. This was his response:
Erik: You know, I was thinking about it the other day actually, and if someone had a gun to my head and I had to choose between marrying you or never seeing or talking to you again, I would marry you.
Me: Thanks. So... if you had to choose between death or marrying me, you would choose to marry me?
Erik: No, what's death got to do with it? If I had to choose between never seeing you again or marrying you, I would marry you.
Me: What's the gun against your head for?
Erik: I don't know, it was there when I thought about it. Never mind, this is coming out all wrong.
Erik just started school again. He's going to HPU to become a nurse. It's a predominantly female profession so he's often 1 of 3-4 guys in most of his classes. Last night's romantic declaration went as follows:
Erik: So you know, I was checking out all the hot girls in my class, and I want you to know that I feel very happy and lucky to be with you.
Me: So, you were checking out all the hot girls in your class?
Erik: Damnit, that's not what I meant.
Such romance, eh?
But, while the boy does have an extraordinary skill for sticking his foot in his mouth, he is very good to me, and even begrudgingly allows me to post whatever I like about him, so I guess it's a fair trade.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Shyness
I just started working at Oliver, the wine shop next to the Olive Tree. Last night I finished day 3 on the job. Although it's still early, I think I'm going to love this job. It's simple, homey. Nice.
My co-workers are all really nice and I look forward to getting to know them. Become friends with them. I've already found myself endeared by each one of them.
But before that happens, I need to get past my shyness.
When I was a child I was super shy. I would blush, tilt my head down and often hide behind the legs of some adult. As an adolescent I was quiet as well. I stuck to reading books instead of socializing. Or at least I tried. Fortunately I was surrounded by boisterious friends, so I was never able to veer too far off into quiet girl land, but had I not been, I may have spent many of my teen years stuck in the library, instead of sitting at a picnic table, trying to read, while others would snatch the book out of my hands, and bring me back to reality. Back to interacting with others.
Reading through old yearbooks, many people commented on my quiet demeanor.
As an adult, I thought I'd overcome my shyness. I often think of myself as fairly outgoing. I actually enjoy meeting new people and I love being social. But last night, working at Oliver, I felt shy. I can't explain it. It's almost like a vise that grabs me, and though I want to open up, talk, joke, laugh and interact, I find myself locked in. Locked in what? I don't know. But every time I wanted to speak, my voice lost me. My words, though clear in my head, couldn't seem to make their way out. So instead I just smiled, hoping people would see that as my attempt to be friendly, while mute.
I'm sure it will pass with some time, and while it's a bit annoying, there is an odd familiarity there.
Okay, that's all for now. If you're ever down at Olive Tree (which I highly recommend, sooooo yummy) then please stop by next door and say "hi!."
My co-workers are all really nice and I look forward to getting to know them. Become friends with them. I've already found myself endeared by each one of them.
But before that happens, I need to get past my shyness.
When I was a child I was super shy. I would blush, tilt my head down and often hide behind the legs of some adult. As an adolescent I was quiet as well. I stuck to reading books instead of socializing. Or at least I tried. Fortunately I was surrounded by boisterious friends, so I was never able to veer too far off into quiet girl land, but had I not been, I may have spent many of my teen years stuck in the library, instead of sitting at a picnic table, trying to read, while others would snatch the book out of my hands, and bring me back to reality. Back to interacting with others.
Reading through old yearbooks, many people commented on my quiet demeanor.
As an adult, I thought I'd overcome my shyness. I often think of myself as fairly outgoing. I actually enjoy meeting new people and I love being social. But last night, working at Oliver, I felt shy. I can't explain it. It's almost like a vise that grabs me, and though I want to open up, talk, joke, laugh and interact, I find myself locked in. Locked in what? I don't know. But every time I wanted to speak, my voice lost me. My words, though clear in my head, couldn't seem to make their way out. So instead I just smiled, hoping people would see that as my attempt to be friendly, while mute.
I'm sure it will pass with some time, and while it's a bit annoying, there is an odd familiarity there.
Okay, that's all for now. If you're ever down at Olive Tree (which I highly recommend, sooooo yummy) then please stop by next door and say "hi!."
Monday, July 20, 2009
Kimi's encounter
this story is too cool not to post. ahhh. this is not the first time i've wished our technology was so advanced that we could take photos with our eyes. i would have loved to see this experience.
email from kimi:
I just wanted to write to you guys to share an experience I had yesterday in the water. It was utterly amazing, and so different from what I expected. I caught no fish yesterday and was kind of sad about that since my ego wants to be reassured that I'm on top of my game. Also I have so much to do, that even though I know I HAVE to dive, I kept feeling like it was a waste of a day because I have to do get so much work done for the festival this weekend.
But one thing made it all worth it.
I totally flirted with and almost fell inlove w/ a Tiger shark.
It was seriously one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.
We were doing some blue water diving (deep water, cant' see/touch bottom). The boat just dropped me an Trav off and the other divers were still suiting up. We were by Kaena point, and the water was crystal clear.
I did a drop, just for the sake of diving deep and practicing, and when I was ascending I looked at Trav and he was pointing at something. I knew it wasn't an ono, because he wasn't sprinting w/ his gun.
I looked over and saw this huge mass just emerging up vertically towards the surface. I had no idea what it was but it moved so gracefully. I'm used to sharks making sharp short turns, and moving somewhat mechanically.
But this one just flowed w/ absolute grace until it finally hit the surface and turned broadside. I realized then it was the biggest tiger shark I had ever seen. I felt myself instinctually gravitate closer to Travis, but all I could think was "Wow!"
It was beautiful! I felt like I was in the best episode ever of Nat Geo. The water was so clear, that you could every detail of her(?) as she slowly drifted closer to us. Her fin broke the surface, and her colors and stripes were completely lit up. She was practically sparkling in the sun!
I just felt the urge to want to move closer to her. I wanted to just see how close I could get because she was so beautiful and big. Trav lifted the butt of his gun in the air (a sign for the boat to come pick us up)
And then I realized that we had to go. Because the boat was far, and if anything were to happen, we'd be screwed. Or if the other divers jumped in the water further down, and shot a fish, it would only take a couple of seconds for them to maybe have a very scary experience. So I raised my butt of my gun too, and felt a little scared an vulnerable, not knowing if the boat man was even paying attention.
But mainly, I just couldn't take my eyes off of her, and I was so awe struck by her beauty.
I heard the boat coming, and I just wanted the moment to last longer, but before we knew it, we looked up to see our crew checking on us. Trav said "you get on the boat first" and I looked back in her direction and she was gone.
But I feel so lucky to have seen that. I just wish it could've lasted longer.
The funny thing is that I'm afraid of sharks! Even the little ones (really little ones sometimes). Though you learn not to panic, they still just freak me out.
But this one drew me in, and I always thought if I saw a tiger that big, I'd crap my wetsuit. But it was probably the most magical moment I ever had while diving.
Friday, June 26, 2009
DOLPHINS!!!!
The first time I swam with dolphins I was about 6 yrs old. It was with my sister and it wasn't really swimming, more just floating as we held on to the side of the boat.
My dad owned at 13 ft Boston Whaler that he'd take us out on anytime he got the chance. On that particular day, my dad, mom, Kimi, and I all piled into that little boat, and headed out to the Lighthouse Islands, a favorite fishing spot. On our way out, we saw a large school of dolphins running with the boat, and Kimi and I excitedly shouted that we wanted to swim with them. My dad raced the boat up ahead, and told us to quickly put on our masks and jump in the water. He positioned us perfectly, and Kimi and I hopped in and held on to the side of the boat watching the dolphins as they passed through us.
My dad owned at 13 ft Boston Whaler that he'd take us out on anytime he got the chance. On that particular day, my dad, mom, Kimi, and I all piled into that little boat, and headed out to the Lighthouse Islands, a favorite fishing spot. On our way out, we saw a large school of dolphins running with the boat, and Kimi and I excitedly shouted that we wanted to swim with them. My dad raced the boat up ahead, and told us to quickly put on our masks and jump in the water. He positioned us perfectly, and Kimi and I hopped in and held on to the side of the boat watching the dolphins as they passed through us.
It's a memory that always sticks out in my head as one of my favorite ocean memories. I swear I made eye contact with some of those dolphins and that they even smiled at me. And I can still remember with vivid detail, the look of Kimi's smiling face in her bright pink mask and the sound of the dolphins. I can also remember and our own sounds of excitement as we squealed in delight and tried our best to imitate the dolphins.
I'd be curious to know if Kimi has the same memory of this event as I do...
Anyways, fast forward to yesterday.
Ahhhh, big fat dopey smile, hand claps, sighs, jumping up and down, and more squeals of excitement.
Yesterday was pure bliss.
Yesterday is another one of those moments that will be forever ingrained in my memories.
Yesterday, Erik took me out to his dolphin spot to swim and take pictures and it was sooooooo much fun.
Whether I'm 6 years old or 30 years old, there is something about dolphins that has me giddy and excited past the point of any composure. That has me so happy I drool.
The night before, excited and hopeful, I continually turned to Erik and said "Ohhh, I really hope we see them! Do you think we will? We will won't we?? Please tell me we will. I really really really want to see them!!!"
He cautioned me about not being too expectant and gave me a quick lecture about the fact that I shouldn't have the attitude of going out looking for something, but instead, should just take enjoyment out of the day and whatever it would bring. He might have even said something about the ocean being filled of so many things both big and small and to appreciate it all. But I can't say for sure, because I wasn't listening.
Instead, I waited till he was done talking (or quite possibly, cut him off mid sentence) and continued my conversation... "We'll see them, right? And Do you think they'll like me? I love dolphins. I hope they love me too. I hope they want to play with me and get close to me. Ohh, Erik, I hope they like me, they will won't they???"
He rolled his eyes, groaned and then ignored me.
The next morning came and I again stated over and over that I really hoped we would see them. Erik gave me that "don't get your hopes up too high" look, again reminding me that we'd see what we would see.
I felt nervous with expectation.
Anyways, fast forward to yesterday.
Ahhhh, big fat dopey smile, hand claps, sighs, jumping up and down, and more squeals of excitement.
Yesterday was pure bliss.
Yesterday is another one of those moments that will be forever ingrained in my memories.
Yesterday, Erik took me out to his dolphin spot to swim and take pictures and it was sooooooo much fun.
Whether I'm 6 years old or 30 years old, there is something about dolphins that has me giddy and excited past the point of any composure. That has me so happy I drool.
The night before, excited and hopeful, I continually turned to Erik and said "Ohhh, I really hope we see them! Do you think we will? We will won't we?? Please tell me we will. I really really really want to see them!!!"
He cautioned me about not being too expectant and gave me a quick lecture about the fact that I shouldn't have the attitude of going out looking for something, but instead, should just take enjoyment out of the day and whatever it would bring. He might have even said something about the ocean being filled of so many things both big and small and to appreciate it all. But I can't say for sure, because I wasn't listening.
Instead, I waited till he was done talking (or quite possibly, cut him off mid sentence) and continued my conversation... "We'll see them, right? And Do you think they'll like me? I love dolphins. I hope they love me too. I hope they want to play with me and get close to me. Ohh, Erik, I hope they like me, they will won't they???"
He rolled his eyes, groaned and then ignored me.
The next morning came and I again stated over and over that I really hoped we would see them. Erik gave me that "don't get your hopes up too high" look, again reminding me that we'd see what we would see.
I felt nervous with expectation.
When we arrived at location, I crossed my fingers as I looked out toward the ocean. Within seconds my eyes made out the sight of dolphins swimming and jumping from shore. My heart immediately jumped into my throat. I hugged Erik, thanking him profusely, while he laughed at me and said "but we haven't even gotten in the water yet." I then shot him a look, stated "see, I knew we would see them!" and then nagged him to hurry up as I got my gear on as quickly as possible, and he readied everything.
I was frantic with happy excitement.
The swim out to the dolphin spot was about 200-300 yards and as soon as we got in the water, I took off quickly. Occasionally looking back to see where Erik was, but being too excited to slow down and swim at an easy pace. He warned me not to burn myself out, but I couldn't help it. It was impossible for me to slow down.
Funny thing is, that as much as I was rushing, we made it to the spot at the same time, him calm, me huffing and puffing. I reminded myself of one of those drivers that speeds in front of everyone only to be stuck at the same traffic light up ahead.
And then we were there.
And so were they.
And it was so so cool.
Before I knew it, I was in dolphin soup. The water was churning with dolphins podding up and swimming all around us everywhere. I first saw then from above and then watched as they came into view underwater. Instead of letting them surround me, I chased after them quickly, trying to keep up, and get as close to them as I could.
It was such an amazing experience. Tons and tons of dolphins all around me. Dolphins jumping, swimming, mating and playing with one another. At one point, swimming behind them, I even got pooped on, and yes, even that, as gross as it may sound, was completely wonderful to me.
As time when by and my legs burned from kicking so hard, I learned to copy Erik and calm myself down and allow the dolphins and come and go as they pleased, taking shots of them when I could. Which actually allowed me to get closer and get better shots.
In moments, I completely forgot about my camera, too mesmerized by their beauty and playful spirits. And just floated, slack jawed, in complete awe.
It was soooooooo much fun.
And that's all. I want to write more, but it will all the the same thing.
Cool. Awesome. Amazing. Wonderful. Fun. Beautiful. Cool (again), Etc. Etc.
Ahhh, I'm so happy though. Still giddy and drooling and feeling so lucky.
The swim out to the dolphin spot was about 200-300 yards and as soon as we got in the water, I took off quickly. Occasionally looking back to see where Erik was, but being too excited to slow down and swim at an easy pace. He warned me not to burn myself out, but I couldn't help it. It was impossible for me to slow down.
Funny thing is, that as much as I was rushing, we made it to the spot at the same time, him calm, me huffing and puffing. I reminded myself of one of those drivers that speeds in front of everyone only to be stuck at the same traffic light up ahead.
And then we were there.
And so were they.
And it was so so cool.
Before I knew it, I was in dolphin soup. The water was churning with dolphins podding up and swimming all around us everywhere. I first saw then from above and then watched as they came into view underwater. Instead of letting them surround me, I chased after them quickly, trying to keep up, and get as close to them as I could.
It was such an amazing experience. Tons and tons of dolphins all around me. Dolphins jumping, swimming, mating and playing with one another. At one point, swimming behind them, I even got pooped on, and yes, even that, as gross as it may sound, was completely wonderful to me.
As time when by and my legs burned from kicking so hard, I learned to copy Erik and calm myself down and allow the dolphins and come and go as they pleased, taking shots of them when I could. Which actually allowed me to get closer and get better shots.
In moments, I completely forgot about my camera, too mesmerized by their beauty and playful spirits. And just floated, slack jawed, in complete awe.
It was soooooooo much fun.
And that's all. I want to write more, but it will all the the same thing.
Cool. Awesome. Amazing. Wonderful. Fun. Beautiful. Cool (again), Etc. Etc.
Ahhh, I'm so happy though. Still giddy and drooling and feeling so lucky.
It's an experience I hope everyone can have. Maybe not dolphins, per say, but any experience that has one filled with pure excitement and joy.
Okay, enought of my rambling. Here are some pictures from the day:
Okay, enought of my rambling. Here are some pictures from the day:
(Erik with a dolphin jumping in the distance)
(photo by Erik)
dolphins mating (bow chica bow wow) 
me and my new friends (photo by Erik) 
me again (photo by Erik )
descent (photo by Erik) 
look closely toward the top of this photo and you can see the dolphin pooping
hiiiii little guy!
more dolphins. ahhhh.
close up. hiiii! again 
light reflections 
topsy turvey Such a fun fun day.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Woeful complainy blah blah blahing
I'm way behind in my blah blah blahs... in the past couple weeks I've gone to Maui and Kauai. I've taken pictures of things underwater, laughed with friends, had pranks played on me at work and eaten good food. All blah blah blah worthy.
One should, in my opinion, never under estimate the power of blah blah blahs... They may seem little and insignificant, but they are the moments that make up the details of our lives. Like grains of sand contributing to the beach. Drops of salt water contributing to the ocean. Like breaths of air that give us life.
So easily forgotten, but so much a part of the whole.
I want to remember the little things as much as the big things. I want to find the same pleasure in the quiet easily missed moments as I do in the loud "I'll never ever forget this" moments.
But I've been tired and unmotivated and my blog is being neglected. I'm losing inspiration and feeling mundane.
Last night I had to write a piece themed "in search of..." I was disappointed as it didn't come out very well. I sent it in anyway, but cringed hitting the button. It was a shame. My whole life seems to be one big in search of game. I thought the piece would come easily to me.
The thing is, I don't quite know how to find whatever it is I'm searching for even when it's a search to find what I'm in search of.
Huh?
I know.
Sometimes I lose myself too.
Today's woe- writing.
Yes, this is another blog about poor non-writing me. How many of these have I written so far?
The answer: too many.
If you don't like your current situation then change it.
Okay, but how?
One of my favorite writers, Jenn Hee, wrote this piece on her blog: http://www.chooseourownadventure.com/?p=473. I loved it. Loved losing and finding myself in it.
Like her, I miss writing the way I used to and I understand her sentiments about her blog. About how some things, as great as they were, just don't last forever, but still, you want to keep it going, and you try, but when a thing has run it's course, it's run it's course. Although, maybe Jenn wasn't really saying that, and it's just me sticking my stuff into someone else's words. Using her as an ally so that I don't sound so alone in my silliness.
Silly:
Wait. Don't answer that. I don't really want to know.
The misbehaving child in me, has to whine about it. I miss that old blog. My place for everything. My blah blah blahs, back when they weren't so focused in on actual blah blah blahs.
But really, more than that, I miss who I was when I had that blog and contributed to it on irregular whims. I miss waking up in the middle of the night with a sort of frenzy in my fingers needing to type out the things in my head. It didn't matter if what I wrote was good nor not, it just felt good to write.
My daily blah blah blahs, despite my beach and ocean analogy, are beginning to feel like exactly what they are. Blah blah blah.
We'll see though. I am moody, wishy washy and apt to change my mind a hundred times. I'm the girl who tries on 6 different outfits only to go back to the very first one.
Maybe I'll change this blog once again. Maybe it will be the Daily Blah blah blahs "and More." The "and more" could hold an infinite number of undefined possiblities.
Isn't it funny how two little words can make such a difference?
"I" is just me, but you follow it with two words and suddenly everything changes. It becomes a statement of one's being (I am tired). A promise of unconditional feeling (I love you). A knife with which to cut some one down with (I hate you). An ending (I am done.)
With two words we can change the world.
With 773 words we can create a longwinded complaining blog.
Ahhh words. Can you see why I love them so?
One should, in my opinion, never under estimate the power of blah blah blahs... They may seem little and insignificant, but they are the moments that make up the details of our lives. Like grains of sand contributing to the beach. Drops of salt water contributing to the ocean. Like breaths of air that give us life.
So easily forgotten, but so much a part of the whole.
I want to remember the little things as much as the big things. I want to find the same pleasure in the quiet easily missed moments as I do in the loud "I'll never ever forget this" moments.
But I've been tired and unmotivated and my blog is being neglected. I'm losing inspiration and feeling mundane.
Last night I had to write a piece themed "in search of..." I was disappointed as it didn't come out very well. I sent it in anyway, but cringed hitting the button. It was a shame. My whole life seems to be one big in search of game. I thought the piece would come easily to me.
The thing is, I don't quite know how to find whatever it is I'm searching for even when it's a search to find what I'm in search of.
Huh?
I know.
Sometimes I lose myself too.
Today's woe- writing.
Yes, this is another blog about poor non-writing me. How many of these have I written so far?
The answer: too many.
If you don't like your current situation then change it.
Okay, but how?
One of my favorite writers, Jenn Hee, wrote this piece on her blog: http://www.chooseourownadventure.com/?p=473. I loved it. Loved losing and finding myself in it.
Like her, I miss writing the way I used to and I understand her sentiments about her blog. About how some things, as great as they were, just don't last forever, but still, you want to keep it going, and you try, but when a thing has run it's course, it's run it's course. Although, maybe Jenn wasn't really saying that, and it's just me sticking my stuff into someone else's words. Using her as an ally so that I don't sound so alone in my silliness.
Silly:
- cockamamie: ludicrous, foolish; "gave me a cockamamie reason for not going"; "wore a goofy hat"; "a silly idea"; "some wacky plan for selling more ...
- pathetic: inspiring scornful pity; "how silly an ardent and unsuccessful wooer can be especially if he is getting on in years"- Dashiell Hammett
- a word used for misbehaving children; "don't be a silly"
Wait. Don't answer that. I don't really want to know.
The misbehaving child in me, has to whine about it. I miss that old blog. My place for everything. My blah blah blahs, back when they weren't so focused in on actual blah blah blahs.
But really, more than that, I miss who I was when I had that blog and contributed to it on irregular whims. I miss waking up in the middle of the night with a sort of frenzy in my fingers needing to type out the things in my head. It didn't matter if what I wrote was good nor not, it just felt good to write.
My daily blah blah blahs, despite my beach and ocean analogy, are beginning to feel like exactly what they are. Blah blah blah.
We'll see though. I am moody, wishy washy and apt to change my mind a hundred times. I'm the girl who tries on 6 different outfits only to go back to the very first one.
Maybe I'll change this blog once again. Maybe it will be the Daily Blah blah blahs "and More." The "and more" could hold an infinite number of undefined possiblities.
Isn't it funny how two little words can make such a difference?
"I" is just me, but you follow it with two words and suddenly everything changes. It becomes a statement of one's being (I am tired). A promise of unconditional feeling (I love you). A knife with which to cut some one down with (I hate you). An ending (I am done.)
With two words we can change the world.
With 773 words we can create a longwinded complaining blog.
Ahhh words. Can you see why I love them so?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Commercial Sunday
Malia has a gift for finding fun and random opportunities. Earlier this week she emailed the girls about an opportunity to participate in a commercial for Tenkaippin Ramen. Although I'm usually a little camera shy, I couldn't help but jump at the opportunity. One, I really like Tenkaippin's ramen and two, I thought it would be really cool to be in a commercial with a bunch of my friends.
So on Sunday I met Malia, Hazel, Chessa, Min, Kim and Wisa down at the restaurant. There were four other girls there and one guy, and we ate ramen, fried rice and gyoza as we filmed the commercial and caught up on each other's weekends. It was quite fun. I'm both a little scared and very excited to see how the commercial comes out.
mmm... ramen
the entire crew
my girls
So on Sunday I met Malia, Hazel, Chessa, Min, Kim and Wisa down at the restaurant. There were four other girls there and one guy, and we ate ramen, fried rice and gyoza as we filmed the commercial and caught up on each other's weekends. It was quite fun. I'm both a little scared and very excited to see how the commercial comes out.
just your average ramen shop filled with tons of girls
cutie pies hazel and malia
the lovely ms. chessa and me
chessa and i filled hazel in on "shakerface"
mmm... ramenthe entire crewmy girlsSunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday fun
Saturday I woke up to the sticky hotness of the summer morning. Desperately needing cool off and avoid wasting the day away, I went for a short dive with Erik. I've been wanting to go out diving with him for a while now, as he's an amazing photographer (you can check out his stuff here: http://www.travelblog.org/Bloggers/esaav22 ) and I'm hoping that in time, some of his skills might rub off on me.
He lent me his camera and let me have a go. It was fun, but I can tell already that it's going to be a long while before I master the art of underwater photo-taking. Erik took me to a secret spot that often has whitetip reef sharks chilling in the shallow, but yesterday we were out of luck. We did, however, see some small creatures here and there which was fun. The underwater world has always been fascinating to me, and it was even more so with a camera in my hands. Also, for the first time, I wasn't afraid to get close up to an eel... sure it was a baby eel, but still, I was proud of myself. The photos below are nothing great, but hopefully with more practice I'll get the hang of it.
erik in action 
specks of silver 
shrimp 
baby eel Later in the day I went surfing with Laarni out at Cliffs. Summer is here, and that means waves in town as well as big crowds. Despite the crowd, it was a lot of fun, and a lot of exercise. I forgot my leash, so I got to practice both surfing and swimming.
After that, we got ready to head out to Boardriders Kailua to support Garrett, my sister's bf, and his band Potluck. It was a once in a ten year time event. Garrett and his friends used to rock out on a regular basis back in the day. Last night they did their first and last reunion show. Knowing Garrett as I know him (quiet and almost shy in moments) I couldn't imagine him as the lead singer of a once popular punkrock band. I kept saying to others "I'm so excited and curious to see this!"
My curiousity came to an end last night and I have to say, it was AWESOME. I was really really impressed. It makes me kind of sad that this was a one time event.
Also, it was eww worthy cute to see my sister swoon over her bf.
friends gathering to cheer on garrett... check out how laarni drinks her beer 
potluck groupies 
hazel with her potluck t-shirt from 1999 (she used to watch them back in the day) 
Potluck (john, arie, garret and basil on the drums) 
blurry rockstar garrett
his #1 adoring fan
And then we headed back over the Pali into town... it was all in all a great Saturday from start to finish.
back through the tunnel into town (photo by laarni)
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Art After Dark, Shaker Face and Amos Lee
Friday, May 29
Went out to Art After Dark with the girls. I've been attending this event pretty consistently for the past couple months and really like it. I don't know why... it starts and ends too early, the cover is $10, the drink lines are long and the place gets hot, but still... every last Friday of the month, I find myself excited for AAD. To me it's just F-U-N.
art after dark peeps 
my peeps @ art after dark
Earlier in the week Chessa told me about this blogsite she found called Shakerface... I don't have a link but my google search lead me to this site: http://www.e4.com/e4site/doitandwin/1fac374781f0c26e9ee148e43fe13a04/entry-terms.e4. Basically the idea is to relax your face and shake it side to side while a friend takes a picture. It leads to some pretty ridiculous and unflattering photos, but that's the whole purpose. It's all about the dorky fun. When Chessa sent me an email about it, I immediately got excited and promised to bring my camera out. You're actually not supposed to smile when you make your shakerface, but that was a near impossible feat for us.
chessa's shakerface 
heidi's shakerface 
malia's shakerface 
laarni's shakerface 
my shakerface
kim's funnyface 
double shakerface w laarni and heidi
double shakerface with kim and malia s.
What's funny is that shakerface bears a striking resemblance to drunkface... the next time someone catches a bad drunk photo of me, I'm going to lie and say "I wasn't drunk, I was just doing my shakerface!"
And if that wasn't dorking it out enough, as we waited in line to grab our drinks, a framed opening caught our eye, so of course we had to strike our poses there as well...
me
laarni (doesn't she look like she's posing for her driver's license photo?) 
heidi- aww such a cutie 
a rambunctious looking chessaAt AAD they gave out free Honolulu Magazines.. when I saw the subject I found Heidi and made her take a photo for me. I wish I had gotten Kim in there as well.
we know where the good teachers are at! After that we headed downtown to see one of my swoon-worthy musical artists, Amos Lee. He played at Next Door and while I love, love, love his stuff in my ipod or cd player, it wasn't as great at Next Door... He did a good job and was a nice live performer, but the mood was a bit too mellow and the venue didn't match. Laarni repeatedly whispered to me that it'd be the perfect concert if she were out on a grass lawn in a hammock and while I just gave her stink eye each time she said it and told her "shhh," deep down inside, I had to admit she was right.
Still though, it was fun for me.
the streets of downtown honolulu 
a blurry amos lee And that is all for now. I hope every one's weekends are off to a great start.
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